To begin -- don’t panic. Someone asking you to be their gestational carrier isn’t the same as committing to the actual journey. They’ve just asked you to think about it. How well do you know the person who asked you? Are they a close friend or family member? What are your thoughts on carrying a child for them? Have you ever been pregnant or had children prior to this?Deciding to be someone’s gestational carrier -- especially if it’s a family member or friend -- isn’t one to be taken lightly. It’s a far cry from becoming roommates, and could either bring you closer or drive you apart. So, make sure that your relationship with the person or couple who asked you can withstand any kind of circumstance. In of itself, though, being asked this is a huge honor and compliment to you as a person and the impact you’ve had in the intended parent’s life.
Even if you already know the person or couple who has asked you to be their gestational carrier, it’s important to have an official sit down meeting with them. To discuss all the necessary aspects, including the specific reasons why they chose you. Have an open mind when you go into this conversation. Hear them out, and know that you have full control of your choice. If you feel pressured into saying yes in any way, then an automatic no would be the better option.Only reveal information that you are comfortable sharing. If the meeting becomes too much like a job interview, stay calm and remind the intended parents of the meeting’s purpose. The first thing that must be determined is if all of you are a good match for a decision of this magnitude. Other details can wait. Questions pertaining to your health can be filtered through your doctor or fertility specialist, and financial information through the chosen surrogacy agency. Don’t get carried away in the heightened emotions and unknowingly get yourself wrapped up without first committing or declining the intended parent’s offer to be their gestational carrier.
Work with an Agency
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the intended parents, or how much you trust them. If you’ve agreed to be their gestational carrier, be sure to work with a surrogacy agency. Because of the emotional entanglements that can accompany agreements with friends and family, a surrogacy agency will lend a guiding hand through all of that.At Virginia Frank, we ensure that both parties are protected, and that you don’t get too overwhelmed during the journey. Particularly since you’re entering a legal contract with the intended parents. It’s important that all parties fully understand the ins and outs of the agreement, and remain on the same page. This lessens the risk of any potential issues once the process has officially started.
One of the entanglements aforementioned involves exchanging money. Oftentimes, this is a difficult topic to bring up with close friends and family to the point where it’s dismissed altogether. That, or the intended parents are left feeling as though they are forever in debt to you. These feelings, in turn, can cause guilt or discomfort in your relationship.Working with an agency eliminates this awkwardness, and makes sure that the appropriate financial compensation is distributed. Virginia Frank understands the sensitivity, but we don’t have the emotional attachment and are easily able to handle the aspect of money.
Someone Asked You to be their Gestational Carrier
When someone you know asks you to be their gestational carrier, thank them for the honor and take however much time you need to consider their offer. If the intended parents mention a deadline, do your best to respect that. Do some soul-searching and see if you are able to accept. Talk to your partner or spouse as well, and get his or her feedback.
Is this a choice that you can fully commit to? Is your relationship with the intended parents strong enough to weather all that comes with being a gestational carrier? Are you able to come to a reasonable agreement with them? If no, be upfront and honest. Explain your reasons why, and thank them once again for the honor of being considered. If yes, go for it! You’d be gifting them with a son or daughter and helping them become the parents they’ve always wanted to be!
About the Author
Rachel Robertson is a published journalist, book editor, certified Publishing Specialist, and aspiring novelist. She graduated from Central Washington University (CWU) in March 2011, having found her writing voice within the Creative Nonfiction genre and grew to work as a freelance book editor for small presses all across the United States.In June 2018, she embarked on an internship with Virginia Frank and came on board with Adoption Choices Inc., Not for Profit 501(c)(3), in December 2018. Between her mutual passion with adoption and surrogacy, and her own personal history with adoption, Rachel is excited to research and share topics each week that will spread awareness and better serve the faithful patrons of Virginia Frank.
When Rachel isn’t haunting her local Starbucks or Barnes and Noble, she’s avidly pouring over her Writer’s Digest subscription or cozying up with a cup of tea and book. She currently resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her beloved wife and Border Collie.