When you’re getting to know your intended parents, there are many important questions you can ask them. These can range from light-hearted to serious. Having a balanced batch or mix and match works as well. The order doesn’t really matter. What does, though, is organizing questions to ask intended parents that will help you determine whether or not you and them are a good match.
Choosing intended parents is an important first step in your journey as a gestational carrier. For some inspiration regarding questions to ask intended parents, Virginia Frank has developed a non-exhaustive resource to get you started. If you think of any additional ones that aren’t mentioned here, be sure to let us know in the comment section below.
Why are You Considering Surrogacy?
This is perhaps one of the most essential questions to ask intended parents. It will reveal their motives behind their choice to pursue surrogacy, and how they came about the decision. In addition, it will give you insight into why they want to become parents. The aspects of parenthood that excite them, and the hopes and dreams they have of building their family.As their potential gestational carrier, you’ll want to know how determined and committed they are to the overall journey. How sincere. Honest. That they’ve thought long and hard about choosing surrogacy, and that they aren’t going to drop you in the middle of the process.
What are Your Values?
Even though the baby you’ll be carrying won’t be your own, it’s still natural to want to know what kind of family will be raising him or her. What standards, values and morals they have. The things they consider important. So, when thinking up questions to ask intended parents, this is a good one to have on the list.It’s always interesting to learn what others value, and to discuss the reasons behind that. Not only does it allow them to open up more, it also reveals more of their character and who they are as individuals.
What are Some of Your Hobbies?
Posing this as a question to ask intended parents is more of an icebreaker than anything, but important nonetheless. By the time you meet with potential intended parent(s), you will have viewed a handful of profiles and reached out to the ones that stood out to you the most. Hence, the meeting you planning for currently. On the family profile, the intended parents will have included their interests and hobbies.However, keep in mind that a profile is just a glimpse of who intended parents are. It’s not the whole story. So, asking this question when you meet in person can reveal other hobbies or interests they weren’t able to mention or didn’t think to note in their profile. This, in turn, can help you gain a bigger picture of what the child’s life would be like with them.
Are Your Family and Friends Supportive of Your Decision?
Family dynamics are fascinating to learn about. As the potential gestational carrier, it’s important to ask the intended parents if their friends and family are supportive in their decision to pursue surrogacy. One, to see if they have a strong support system. Two, to determine how you may be perceived and treated during pregnancy and the delivery process.Any negativity can create a very tense and uncomfortable situation for both you and the intended parents. The surrogacy journey is already emotional enough. Family discord on top of that is a red flag. On the other hand, if the friends and family are supportive, be sure to ask how they will be involved. You’ll want to know what to expect in that regard as well.
What are You looking for in a Gestational Carrier?
After you’ve asked questions that help you learn more about the intended parents and their background, shift the conservation to you. What they expect of you during the pregnancy and birth. If they have any specific requirements. For instance, attending your doctor appointments with you.Especially since you are considering becoming their gestational carrier, it’s important to know as much as you can upfront. Ask for clarification if anything is unclear. If there are any expectations you feel you won’t be able to meet, be honest with them about that.
What Questions do You have for Me?
This is another important question to ask intended parents because it allows them to inquire after any thoughts or concerns that haven’t been covered yet. It also eliminates the feeling of your meeting as an interview, and invites them to remain involved in the conversation if they want to. They may have similar questions to ask you as their potential gestational carrier.
The first time you meet with potential intended parents, the focus is getting to know them. Seeing if your personalities match, and if there are any obvious red flags. Don’t hold back. Ask them any and all questions you have, even if the questions are going to be difficult. Getting everything out on the table during your first meeting is crucial. This there will be less surprises once you’ve signed the legal agreement with them.
About the Author
Rachel Robertson is a published journalist, book editor, certified Publishing Specialist, and aspiring novelist. She graduated from Central Washington University (CWU) in March 2011, having found her writing voice within the Creative Nonfiction genre and grew to work as a freelance book editor for small presses all across the United States.In June 2018, she embarked on an internship with Virginia Frank and came on board with Adoption Choices Inc., Not for Profit 501(c)(3), in December 2018. Between her mutual passion with adoption and surrogacy, and her own personal history with adoption, Rachel is excited to research and share topics each week that will spread awareness and better serve the faithful patrons of Virginia Frank.
When Rachel isn’t haunting her local Starbucks or Barnes and Noble, she’s avidly pouring over her Writer’s Digest subscription or cozying up with a cup of tea and book. She currently resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her beloved wife and Border Collie.