It’s too easy to mistake an agreement between you, the intended parents, and your gestational carrier as a business arrangement and nothing more. A legal contract written up and signed with your attorney present. But, choosing a gestational carrier to help grow and deliver your baby is so much more than that. It’s a lifelong connection between all of you. Yes, there are definite business and legal aspects involved, yet women who choose to become gestational carriers aren’t focused on the monetary part. Rather, they are selflessly giving of themselves to help you become the parents you dream of being.
Imagine it this way. Carrying your baby is something that makes her very happy, because she knows she’s helping you build a family. She enjoys the magic of pregnancy, and receives her true reward when she places your son or daughter in your arms for the first time. Money is just a bonus. This is very important to keep in mind. If you’re unsure of how to establish a healthy relationship with your gestational carrier, here are five simple ways to bond with her.
From start to finish, communicate with her. No question is too big, too small or too silly. Ask anything and everything you want to know. This will be especially important when you are first screening candidates, to ensure if you all blend well together. After all, when everything is signed, you can’t backpedal. You’re locked in. Learn her likes, dislikes. What makes her tick. Her stressors. Anxieties. What makes her happy. Communication is essential. Every step of the way. It’ll ensure you’re always on the same page.
2) Get Together
Do you live close to each other? Schedule times that you can meet up. Hang out together. Once a week, once a month. Whatever works best for all of you. As long as travel does not impede you in any way -- meet up on a regular basis. Allowing yourselves that real, in-person, face-to-face contact will make a huge difference. Despite all the methods of technology available, it remains the most authentic way for you to establish a strong, healthy relationship, and to truly know each other. To build trust, as well. For, trust is the most vital aspect to have in a successful surrogacy agreement. Above any other element. So, grab a meal together. See a movie. Visit a park or the zoo. Go bowling. Whatever you decide, getting together is a simple way to bond with your gestational carrier.
3) Schedule Phone or Video Calls
With how busy everyone’s lives, and how quickly our calendars seem to fill up, don’t hesitate to schedule a phone or video call if you can’t meet up in person. There are free apps available that make this simple and straightforward. To name a few: Skype, ZOOM, and WhatsApp. Google has their own version of a video chat as called called Google Hangouts. Or, if you’d prefer and your phone has a good camera, FaceTime is also a viable option.
4) Work with Time Zones
If you have chosen to use, or have been matched with a gestational carrier out of state, be mindful of each other’s time zones. Particularly when you’re looking to schedule the aforementioned phone or video call. You’ll want to make sure that you’re accounting for however many hours difference it is between you and the gestational carrier.
5) Share in the Journey
There are so many things that go into the surrogacy journey. It’s important to be as involved as you can. Don’t forget to communicate how grateful you are to your gestational carrier. Talk to her about attending her doctor appointments, so you can experience all the major milestones of the pregnancy with her.
Simple Ways to Bond
Treat her the way you’d want to be treated. It may seem too simplistic, but believe us. Even the smallest gestures will go a long way. It doesn’t take much. Especially when you think about the treasure that your gestational carrier is gifting you -- a son or daughter. She has been screened, selected, and wants the very best for your family. That’s huge. Priceless.
So, if you find yourself growing frustrated with the details of the surrogacy journey, and stressed about the legal and business aspect, take a step back. Remind yourself what your gestational carrier is helping you build, and do everything you can to bond with her.
About the Author
Rachel Robertson is a published journalist, book editor, certified Publishing Specialist, and aspiring novelist. She graduated from Central Washington University (CWU) in March 2011, having found her writing voice within the Creative Nonfiction genre and grew to work as a freelance book editor for small presses all across the United States.In June 2018, she embarked on an internship with Virginia Frank and came on board with Adoption Choices Inc., Not for Profit 501(c)(3), in December 2018. Between her mutual passion with adoption and surrogacy, and her own personal history with adoption, Rachel is excited to research and share topics each week that will spread awareness and better serve the faithful patrons of Virginia Frank.
When Rachel isn’t haunting her local Starbucks or Barnes and Noble, she’s avidly pouring over her Writer’s Digest subscription or cozying up with a cup of tea and book. She currently resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her beloved wife and Border Collie.